We went to get my blood work done on Tuesday as usual and to see my oncologist about my upcoming internal radiation in the hospital. We met with my oncologist and his nurse Cindy ( who I love and has been a God send throughout this treatment). My oncologist examined me, He was pleased and said my tumor had shrunk to just traces and that the internal radiation would take care of what was left. We had our consultation about the treatment. And got the arrival time for Monday, and all the details on preparing for the 3-4 day hospital stay.
Then we headed down for my blood draw. We were a little late, the doctors always seem to take longer than you expect. When we got in the nurse began going through her papers reading the orders aloud to us..."
So your chemo has been cancelled for tomorrow......". "what!" my husband and I both said at the same time, in disbelief! The nurse looked at us surprised and said " no one has said anything to you?". Ahhh No???????? As I can feel myself about to pass out for JOY the nurse says " well let me check that, don't get to excited ! I told her I would try my best not to get to excited....
We finished my blood draw and she asked if we could just wait a moment and she would go and talk to the nurse and just make sure.
We sat there...just in disbelief. Could it be true? Could my last chemo be cancelled? It was to much to hope for. See I was really dreading this one. I couldn't put my finger on why. I was trying to be patient. I know God had been teaching me to live in the moment. Not to look to tomorrow. To focus on what was today. But I knew the end was near and I just couldn't seem to not dread this las t chemo. I had felt a little more queasy this last time around. A little more tired. I couldn't help thinking what is this last one going to be like? My kids were home from school now, I was ready for this to be done! I wasn't being patient at all. I was near the end and I was ready for it to be over! And that was all I could see.
Here comes the nurse..."I am so happy I get to be the one who tells you this she said....". It was true! It had been cancelled! Amazing! Unbelievable! What a gift! We were so excited I never really asked the reason why. I don't think I cared! I just knew I didn't have to go through that last chemo I was dreading!!!! Praise God!
What a great God we serve who continues to bless us even in our trials. I thought about my anxiousness with this last treatment. Why was I so anxious this time around? Why was I dreading it so?
I believe God gives us grace for our circumstances. He gives us what we need to get through our trials. He gives us what we need. Not more, not less. Could it have been I wasn't going to need the grace to get through that last treatment. He knew I wasn't going to have it even though I didn't. He had given me the grace, the endurance to come to this point. Did I not need the endurance to go where I wasn't even headed? Shouldn't I just have trusted in Him. Not to have worried or been anxious? I know He would have given me the grace to make it through that last treatment if I would have had it. But I didnt need it. And God knew that. What a cool thought.
Well now I am headed for a few days in the hospital. I will be pretty isolated due to the radiation I will be receiving. It will be a long few days I am sure. But, when it is over I will no longer have my IV in my arm and I will walk out of that hospital a cured woman. I will be able to get my life back. I know I will never be the same woman I was but I am actually good with that. I think a new and improved me will be even better. I am looking forward to getting to know her. The new improved me. I hope she remembers every mile of this journey and remembers all the blessings along the way.... All the prayers and love from friends and family, all the help I have received along the way from so many wonderful people who have brought me meals, taken my children, cleaned my house, given me beautiful cards, and special gifts of all kinds. All the encouraging words. All those who constantly remind me they are praying for me. All those who sent me bible verses to encourage me or even just a kind word. You were all in this journey with me and every step was made easier because of what you have done for me and my family.
I hope this new me remembers all of that and is never the same because of it.
I love you all.
But most of all I hope this new me remember how faithful my God was throughout this journey. How He blessed me over and over. How H e calmed me, fought for me, prepared my path over and over and over...how He comforted me when I was scared. How He gave me that peace that passes all understanding. How He taught me to be content in all circumstances. And that often times that it is the trials in our life's that are God's mercy in disguise. That we have to look for the blessings and not to just focus on our difficult circumstances. To enjoy the gifts God gives even in our times of struggle. And most of all how God is trustworthy today, tomorrow and for all eternity. That is something we can count on.
I really hope the new me remembers that.....
Blessings
