Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Artist: Laura Story
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
You long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
even after a dramatic event in our lives....life goes on. We are getting back to normal as a family. This summer has been a good healing time for us. The days seem to go by at a nice slow pace, not that we aren't busy, it just doesn't seem like the summer is going to fast. I am thankful for that. My body is healing although I am still surprised by how long all this healing takes place. I suppose my body was just put under a great deal of stress. My children have completely forgotten the days of me laying on the couch or the frequent trips to the doctor. Children have a wonderful way of living in the moment.
I am thankful that I was able to have such wonderful treatment. I am thankful it is all over.
I have a changed heart for those who have cancer. It breaks my heart when I hear of someone new with cancer...someone who has to begin treatment. It is such a scarey time. All the uncertainty of the unknown. I hope that through my treatment and through this blog I have been able to encourage someone. I hope that I can encourage people that they can go through cancer and treatment and come out on the other side healed. I want my story to be 'cancer can be a curable and doable' disease. By no means do I say it is easy. Treatment can be difficult. But having a positive attitude, looking for the blessings in the everyday and praying and trusting in a great God (that last one is really the most important one) you to can go through treatment and come out healed on the other side. I really believe that.
I am thankful for all of the prayers that went up to our Lord on our behalf. I know that those prayers kept us sane many days. I am thankful for all the help that was given to us by those who love us and love the Lord.
I still have doctors appointments and pet scans coming to ensure my healing...I will for a long time. But I am ready to put this part of my life into the file of 'past experiences'. I know I am changed forever in many ways and that cancer has had a lasting and forever effect on my life. I have a life that will be forever linked to anyone else who has had or will have to go through cancer treatment. Know I will be praying for all of you.
Although I will update this blog with any new results I have decided to begin a new blog. I have loved sharing what the Lord has allowed me to share through this blog and I believe He has a lot more to say through me.
So be on the lookout for a new blog. I have decided to name it 'Moments of blessings' because I feel when God reveals himself to us it is always a blessing.
So be encouraged today...God is good and He is mighty. He can handle any difficulty in your life if you just allow Him to work in your life. Give Him your heart aches, your diseases, your troubles and let the creator of the universe (and the creator of you!) work in your life. You will be blessed.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
From Streams in the Desert this morning. Loved it so much I had to share......
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
Wow! I have been out of the hospital for two weeks tomorrow. Life has gotten back to normal. I feel like a normal wife and mom again...well sorta.
I was surprised when i got out of the hospital that I felt so tired, I mean I had just layed in bed for 4 days! Seriously! How was it possible to be tired????? Well I was. My mind was nice and fresh, but my body just wasn't going to work the way I wanted it to. It was sorta like carrying heavy weights on my body. Very strange. But I suppose my expectations are far to high. I guess I believe I am super woman even though I would never claim to be that. I am not.
Now my body seems to be getting back to working order. I can get through the day without naps now:) and I don't feel like I am carrying heavy weights on my body. I am trying to get my energy back by just doing the things I normally do, and going for walks....
I still seem to have an ache here, a funny feeling there....Is this normal, is that normal? Lots of questions and concerns sometimes....
Then tonight at church we were singing a praise song that talked about praising God. Just because He is God. And because He has done so many good things for us. Dying on the cross so we could have a right relationship with God was enough, but He does so much more for us....He gives us peace in our trials. He leads us down the paths in our lives that are right and good. He comes to our rescue when we need him so desperately, or just when we need him. Yet here I am, fresh from a deliverance and so many amazing moments where God just showed up and made things go smoothly, gave us blessings after blessings....and I am focused on a few funny feelings, a strange sensation, wondering if this ache is normal, basically focusing on ME! Not on all the wonderful things God has JUST done in my life.
I know I am not super woman (not even close) so I suppose these things do not surprise me about myself. But I remembered this verse.....I will yet praise Him....It is a choice. I will praise Him, even when I have fear, or anxiety, when my body isn't working the way I want it to. I will praise Him for all the good things in my day and not focus on the things that may not have worked out as I would have liked. I will remind myself to praise Him. He is worthy, I know He will honor my praise.
And they were calling to one another; "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Today is my last day in the hospital. I have been here since Monday having my final dose of radiation. I have been confined to my hospital bed and required to remain on my back. I can raise my head and upper body some but I need to remain flat no turning to a side.
It hasn't been overly pleasant but again I believe God has graced me with the ability to bear it.
My husband had been reading Job so I thought I would look at it this morning. I began in the beginning and read all the disaster that faced Job. He really had it rough. I heard his painful cries to God, read about his insensitive friends and in the end read God's amazing response to Job.
I think somehow we believe we can somehow be good enough to ensure that we have a good life. Our view of a good life. I think we believe that sin is punished and if we don't have sin we shouldn't have to endure hardships. The only thing is that we all have sin. God is holy and even our best days are so unholy we can never be held up to a holy GOD.
When I was reading about Job I thought I could hear him....Hey God, I have honored you all my life (he had, God said that when Satan came to test him) why are you allowing all these bad things happen to me? I don't like this, I don't know what I have done wrong to bring this all on?
See the thing is God's way are so much higher than our own. The end of Job is such a wonderful reminder of how powerful and amazing God is. We don't understand His ways and we won't. We can't. We are not God.
I wonder sometimes what I was to learn through this whole journey of cancer. I know I have learned many things. Some surprise me. I have learned that I am not perfect 'yes, I knew I wasn't perfect before but don't we all think we have so much good in us? I have learned no matter how badly I want to control a situation it is not mine to control (I am sure that will be a lesson I will learn on again and again and again....). I have learned to relax. Enjoy the gifts that God has given me. To have some fun. To not get so caught up in making my life go the way I think it should that I miss the blessings all around me. I am learning...to give up control. To trust a trustworthy God to do the things in my life He promises in His word. To not focus on getting it all right but to focus on the beauty of God all around me. To read His word and trust His plan for my life, my husbands life, my children's lives. Even when I don't know what that plan is.
So in a few hours I get out of this hospital bed. I don't know how things will go from here but I know my God does. And that is good enough for me.