Article by John Piper. Don't waste your cancer

I read this and had to share this article by John Piper.  

Don't Waste Your Cancer

I write this on the eve of prostate surgery. I believe in God's power to heal—by miracle and by medicine. I believe it is right and good to pray for both kinds of healing. Cancer is not wasted when it is healed by God. He gets the glory and that is why cancer exists. So not to pray for healing may waste your cancer. But healing is not God's plan for everyone. And there are many other ways to waste your cancer. I am praying for myself and for you that we will not waste this pain.

Don't waste your cancer

1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.

It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it or not. If he does not, he has a purpose. Since he is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a design. Satan is real and causes many pleasures and pains. But he is not ultimate. So when he strikes Job with boils (Job 2:7), Job attributes it ultimately to God (2:10) and the inspired writer agrees: "They . . . comforted him for all the evil that the LORD had brought upon him" (Job 42:11). If you don't believe your cancer is designed for you by God, you will waste it.

2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1). "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us" (Galatians 3:13). "There is no enchantment against Jacob, no divination against Israel" (Numbers 23:23). "The LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly" (Psalm 84:11).

3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.

The design of God in your cancer is not to train you in the rationalistic, human calculation of odds. The world gets comfort from their odds. Not Christians. Some count their chariots (percentages of survival) and some count their horses (side effects of treatment), but we trust in the name of the LORD our God (Psalm 20:7). God's design is clear from 2 Corinthians 1:9, "We felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." The aim of God in your cancer (among a thousand other good things) is to knock props out from under our hearts so that we rely utterly on him.

4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.

We will all die, if Jesus postpones his return. Not to think about what it will be like to leave this life and meet God is folly. Ecclesiastes 7:2 says, "It is better to go to the house of mourning [a funeral] than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart." How can you lay it to heart if you won't think about it? Psalm 90:12 says, "Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Numbering your days means thinking about how few there are and that they will end. How will you get a heart of wisdom if you refuse to think about this? What a waste, if we do not think about death.

5. You will waste your cancer if you think that "beating" cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.

Satan's and God's designs in your cancer are not the same. Satan designs to destroy your love for Christ. God designs to deepen your love for Christ. Cancer does not win if you die. It wins if you fail to cherish Christ. God's design is to wean you off the breast of the world and feast you on the sufficiency of Christ. It is meant to help you say and feel, "I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." And to know that therefore, "To live is Christ, and to die is gain" (Philippians 3:8; 1:21).

6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.

It is not wrong to know about cancer. Ignorance is not a virtue. But the lure to know more and more and the lack of zeal to know God more and more is symptomatic of unbelief. Cancer is meant to waken us to the reality of God. It is meant to put feeling and force behind the command, "Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD" (Hosea 6:3). It is meant to waken us to the truth of Daniel 11:32, "The people who know their God shall stand firm and take action." It is meant to make unshakable, indestructible oak trees out of us: "His delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers" (Psalm 1:2). What a waste of cancer if we read day and night about cancer and not about God.

7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.

When Epaphroditus brought the gifts to Paul sent by the Philippian church he became ill and almost died. Paul tells the Philippians, "He has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill" (Philippians 2:26-27). What an amazing response! It does not say they were distressed that he was ill, but that he was distressed because they heard he was ill. That is the kind of heart God is aiming to create with cancer: a deeply affectionate, caring heart for people. Don't waste your cancer by retreating into yourself.

8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.

Paul used this phrase in relation to those whose loved ones had died: "We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope" (1 Thessalonians 4:13). There is a grief at death. Even for the believer who dies, there is temporary loss—loss of body, and loss of loved ones here, and loss of earthly ministry. But the grief is different—it is permeated with hope. "We would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord" (2 Corinthians 5:8). Don't waste your cancer grieving as those who don't have this hope.

9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.

Are your besetting sins as attractive as they were before you had cancer? If so you are wasting your cancer. Cancer is designed to destroy the appetite for sin. Pride, greed, lust, hatred, unforgiveness, impatience, laziness, procrastination—all these are the adversaries that cancer is meant to attack. Don't just think of battling against cancer. Also think of battling with cancer. All these things are worse enemies than cancer. Don't waste the power of cancer to crush these foes. Let the presence of eternity make the sins of time look as futile as they really are. "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?" (Luke 9:25).

10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

Christians are never anywhere by divine accident. There are reasons for why we wind up where we do. Consider what Jesus said about painful, unplanned circumstances: "They will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name's sake. This will be your opportunity to bear witness" (Luke 21:12 -13). So it is with cancer. This will be an opportunity to bear witness. Christ is infinitely worthy. Here is a golden opportunity to show that he is worth more than life. Don't waste it.

Remember you are not left alone. You will have the help you need. "My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).

By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: www.desiringGod.org. Email: mail@desiringGod.org. Toll Free: 1.888.346.4700.

Moment of Blessings

I have posted my first post on my new blog.
To check it out go to
Moment of Blessings

or click on the link on the left.

Blessings

Blessings...

Blessings
Artist: Laura Story
Album: Blessings

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
You long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Life goes on

Life goes on....
even after a dramatic event in our lives....life goes on.  We are getting back to normal as a family.  This summer has been a good healing time for us.  The days seem to go by at a nice slow pace, not that we aren't busy, it just doesn't seem like the summer is going to fast.  I am thankful for that.  My body is healing although I am still surprised by how long all this healing takes place.  I suppose my body was just put under a great deal of stress.  My children have completely forgotten the days of me laying on the couch or the frequent trips to the doctor.  Children have a wonderful way of living in the moment.
I am thankful that I was able to have such wonderful treatment.  I am thankful it is all over.
I have a changed heart for those who have cancer.  It breaks my heart when I hear of someone new with cancer...someone who has to begin treatment.  It is such a scarey time.  All the uncertainty of the unknown.  I hope that through my treatment and through this blog I have been able to encourage someone.  I hope that I can encourage people that they can go through cancer and treatment and come out on the other side healed.  I want my story to be 'cancer can be a curable and doable' disease.  By no means do I say it is easy.  Treatment can be difficult.  But having a positive attitude, looking for the blessings in the everyday and praying and trusting in a great God (that last one is really the most important one) you to can go through treatment and come out healed on the other side.  I really believe that.
I am thankful for all of the prayers that went up to our Lord on our behalf.  I know that those prayers kept us sane many days.  I am thankful for all the help that was given to us by those who love us and love the Lord.
I still have doctors appointments and pet scans coming to ensure my healing...I will for a long time.  But I am ready to put this part of my life into the file of 'past experiences'.  I know I am changed forever in many ways and that cancer has had a lasting and forever effect on my life.  I have a life that will be forever linked to anyone else who has had or will have to go through cancer treatment.  Know I will be praying for all of you.
Although I will update this blog with any new results I have decided to begin a new blog.  I have loved sharing what the Lord has allowed me to share through this blog and I believe He has a lot more to say through me.
So be on the lookout for a new blog.  I have decided to name it 'Moments of blessings' because I feel when God reveals himself to us it is always a blessing.
So be encouraged today...God is good and He is mighty.  He can handle any difficulty in your life if you just allow Him to work in your life.  Give Him your heart aches, your diseases, your troubles and let the creator of the universe (and the creator of you!) work in your life.  You will be blessed.

Blessings

From Streams in the Desert....Intense Prayer

From Streams in the Desert this morning.  Loved it so much I had to share......


Intense Prayer

"Peter was kept in prison: but prayer (instant and earnest prayer) was made for him" (Acts 12:5, margin).

 

Peter was in prison awaiting his execution. The Church had neither human power nor influence to save him. There was no earthly help, but there was help to be obtained by the way of Heaven. They gave themselves to fervent, importunate prayer. God sent His angel, who aroused Peter from sleep and led him out through the first and second wards of the prison; and when they came to the iron gate, it opened to them of its own accord, and Peter was free.

 

There may be some iron gate in your life that has blocked your way. Like a caged bird you have often beaten against the bars, but instead of helping, you have only had to fall back tired, exhausted and sore at heart. There is a secret for you to learn, and that is believing prayer; and when you come to the iron gate, it will open of its own accord. How much wasted energy and sore disappointment will be saved if you will learn to pray as did the Church in the upper room! Insurmountable difficulties will disappear; adverse circumstances will prove favorable if you learn to pray, not with your own faith but with the faith of God (Mark 11:22, margin). Souls in prison have been waiting for years for the gate to open; love ones out of Christ, bound by Satan, will be set free when you pray till you definitely believe God. --C. H. P.

 

***

 

Emergencies call for intense prayer. When the man becomes the prayer nothing can resist its touch. Elijah on Carmel, bowed down on the ground, with his face between his knees, that was prayer--the man himself. No words are mentioned. Prayer can be too tense for words. The man's whole being was in touch with God, and was set with God against the powers of evil. They couldn't withstand such praying. There's more of this embodied praying needed. --The Bent-knee Time

 

***

 

"Groanings which cannot be uttered are often prayers which cannot be refused." --C. H. Spurgeon,  Step-By-Step Grace

 

***

 

"When thou passest through the waters...they shall not overflow thee" (Isa. 43:2).

 

God does not open paths for us in advance of our coming. He does not promise help before help is needed. He does not remove obstacles out of our way before we reach them. Yet when we are on the edge of our need, God's hand is stretched out.

 

Many people forget this, and are forever worrying about difficulties which they foresee in the future. They expect that God is going to make the way plain and open before them, miles and miles ahead; whereas He has promised to do it only step by step as they may need. You must get to the waters and into their floods before you can claim the promise. Many people dread death, and lament that they have not "dying grace." Of course, they will not have dying grace when they are in good health, in the midst of life's duties, with death far in advance. Why should they have it then? Grace for duty is what they need then, living grace; then dying grace when they come to die. --J. R. M.

 

***

 

"When thou passest through the waters"

Deep the waves may be and cold,

But Jehovah is our refuge,

And His promise is our hold;

For the Lord Himself hath said it,

He, the faithful God and true:

"When thou comest to the waters

Thou shalt not go down, BUT THROUGH."

 

Seas of sorrow, seas of trial,

Bitterest anguish, fiercest pain,

Rolling surges of temptation

Sweeping over heart and brain

They shall never overflow us

For we know His word is true;

All His waves and all His billows

He will lead us safely through.

 

Threatening breakers of destruction,

Doubt's insidious undertow,

Shall not sink us, shall not drag us

Out to ocean depths of woe;

For His promise shall sustain us,

Praise the Lord, whose Word is true!

We shall not go down, or under,

For He saith, "Thou passest THROUGH."

--Annie Johnson Flint

Praise Him

Psalm 43:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Wow!  I have been out of the hospital for two weeks tomorrow.  Life has gotten back to normal.  I feel like a normal wife and mom again...well sorta.
I was surprised when i got out of the hospital that I felt so tired, I mean I had just layed in bed for 4 days!  Seriously!  How was it possible to be tired?????  Well I was.  My mind was nice and fresh, but my body just wasn't going to work the way I wanted it to.  It was sorta like carrying heavy weights on my body.  Very strange.  But I suppose my expectations are far to high.  I guess I believe I am super woman even though I would never claim to be that.  I am not.
Now my body seems to be getting back to working order.  I can get through the day without naps now:) and I don't feel like I am carrying heavy weights on my body.  I am trying to get my energy back by just doing the things I normally do, and going for walks....
I still seem to have an ache here, a funny feeling there....Is this normal, is that normal?  Lots of questions and concerns sometimes....
Then tonight at church we were singing a praise song that talked about praising God.  Just because He is God.  And because He has done so many good things for us.  Dying on the cross so we could have a right relationship with God was enough, but He does so much more for us....He gives us peace in our trials.  He leads us down the paths in our lives that are right and good.  He comes to our rescue when we need him so desperately, or just when we need him.  Yet here I am, fresh from a deliverance and so many amazing moments where God just showed up and made things go smoothly, gave us blessings after blessings....and I am focused on a few funny feelings, a strange sensation, wondering if this ache is normal, basically focusing on ME!  Not on all the wonderful things God has JUST done in my life.
I know I am not super woman (not even close) so I suppose these things do not surprise me about myself.  But I remembered this verse.....I will yet praise Him....It is a choice.  I will praise Him, even when I have fear, or anxiety, when my body isn't working the way I want it to.  I will praise Him for all the good things in my day and not focus on the things that may not have worked out as I would have liked.  I will remind myself to praise Him.  He is worthy, I know He will honor my praise.

Isaiah 6:3
And they were calling to one another; "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.

Blessings

Last day

Today is my last day in the hospital. I have been here since Monday having my final dose of radiation. I have been confined to my hospital bed and required to remain on my back. I can raise my head and upper body some but I need to remain flat no turning to a side.
It hasn't been overly pleasant but again I believe God has graced me with the ability to bear it.
My husband had been reading Job so I thought I would look at it this morning. I began in the beginning and read all the disaster that faced Job. He really had it rough. I heard his painful cries to God, read about his insensitive friends and in the end read God's amazing response to Job.
I think somehow we believe we can somehow be good enough to ensure that we have a good life. Our view of a good life. I think we believe that sin is punished and if we don't have sin we shouldn't have to endure hardships. The only thing is that we all have sin. God is holy and even our best days are so unholy we can never be held up to a holy GOD.
When I was reading about Job I thought I could hear him....Hey God, I have honored you all my life (he had, God  said that when Satan came to test him) why are you allowing all these bad things happen to me?  I don't like this, I don't know what I have done wrong to bring this all on? 
See the thing is God's way are so much higher than our own. The end of Job is such a wonderful reminder of how powerful and amazing God is. We don't understand His ways and we won't. We can't. We are not God.
I wonder sometimes what I was to learn through this whole journey of cancer. I know I have learned many things. Some surprise me. I have learned that I am not perfect 'yes, I knew I wasn't perfect before but don't we all think we have so much good in us?  I have learned no matter how badly I want to control a situation it is not mine to control (I am sure that will be a lesson I will learn on again and again and again....). I have learned to relax. Enjoy the gifts that God has given me. To have some fun. To not get so caught up in making my life go the way I think it should that I miss the blessings all around me. I am learning...to give up control. To trust a trustworthy God to do the things in my life He promises in His word.  To not focus on getting it all right but to focus on the beauty of God all around me. To read His word and trust His plan for my life, my husbands life, my children's lives. Even when I don't know what that plan is.
So in a few hours I get out of this hospital bed. I don't know how things will go from here but I know my God does. And that is good enough for me.

Blessings

Chemo cancelled

We went to get my blood work done on Tuesday as usual and to see my oncologist about my upcoming internal radiation in the hospital. We met with my oncologist and his nurse Cindy ( who I love and has been a God send throughout this treatment). My oncologist examined me, He was pleased and said my tumor had shrunk to just traces and that the internal radiation would take care of what was left. We had our consultation about the treatment. And got the arrival time for Monday, and all the details on preparing for the 3-4 day hospital stay.
Then we headed down for my blood draw. We were a little late, the doctors always seem to take longer than you expect. When we got in the nurse began going through her papers reading the orders aloud to us..."
So your chemo has been cancelled for tomorrow......". "what!" my husband and I both said at the same time, in disbelief! The nurse looked at us surprised and said " no one has said anything to you?". Ahhh No???????? As I can feel myself about to pass out for JOY the nurse says " well let me check that, don't get to excited ! I told her I would try my best not to get to excited....
We finished my blood draw and she asked if we could just wait a moment and she would go and talk to the nurse and just make sure.
We sat there...just in disbelief. Could it be true? Could my last chemo be cancelled? It was to much to hope for. See I was really dreading this one. I couldn't put my finger on why. I was trying to be patient. I know God had been teaching me to live in the moment. Not to look to tomorrow. To focus on what was today. But I knew the end was near and I just couldn't seem to not dread this las t chemo. I had felt a little more queasy this last time around. A little more tired. I couldn't help thinking what is this last one going to be like? My kids were home from school now, I was ready for this to be done! I wasn't being patient at all. I was near the end and I was ready for it to be over! And that was all I could see.
Here comes the nurse..."I am so happy I get to be the one who tells you this she said....". It was true! It had been cancelled! Amazing! Unbelievable! What a gift! We were so excited I never really asked the reason why. I don't think I cared! I just knew I didn't have to go through that last chemo I was dreading!!!! Praise God!
What a great God we serve who continues to bless us even in our trials. I thought about my anxiousness with this last treatment. Why was I so anxious this time around? Why was I dreading it so?
I believe God gives us grace for our circumstances. He gives us what we need to get through our trials. He gives us what we need. Not more, not less. Could it have been I wasn't going to need the grace to get through that last treatment. He knew I wasn't going to have it even though I didn't. He had given me the grace, the endurance to come to this point. Did I not need the endurance to go where I wasn't even headed? Shouldn't I just have trusted in Him. Not to have worried or been anxious? I know He would have given me the grace to make it through that last treatment if I would have had it. But I didnt need it. And God knew that. What a cool thought.
Well now I am headed for a few days in the hospital. I will be pretty isolated due to the radiation I will be receiving. It will be a long few days I am sure. But, when it is over I will no longer have my IV in my arm and I will walk out of that hospital a cured woman. I will be able to get my life back. I know I will never be the same woman I was but I am actually good with that. I think a new and improved me will be even better. I am looking forward to getting to know her. The new improved me. I hope she remembers every mile of this journey and remembers all the blessings along the way.... All the prayers and love from friends and family, all the help I have received along the way from so many wonderful people who have brought me meals, taken my children, cleaned my house, given me beautiful cards, and special gifts of all kinds. All the encouraging words. All those who constantly remind me they are praying for me. All those who sent me bible verses to encourage me or even just a kind word. You were all in this journey with me and every step was made easier because of what you have done for me and my family.
I hope this new me remembers all of that and is never the same because of it.
I love you all.
But most of all I hope this new me remember how faithful my God was throughout this journey. How He blessed me over and over. How H e calmed me, fought for me, prepared my path over and over and over...how He comforted me when I was scared. How He gave me that peace that passes all understanding. How He taught me to be content in all circumstances. And that often times that it is the trials in our life's that are God's mercy in disguise. That we have to look for the blessings and not to just focus on our difficult circumstances. To enjoy the gifts God gives even in our times of struggle. And most of all how God is trustworthy today, tomorrow and for all eternity. That is something we can count on.
I really hope the new me remembers that.....

Blessings

Last Radiation

I had my last radiation treatment last night. It was somewhat emotional. I am so thankful for all the treatment I had to make my cancer go away. I am so thankful that aside from a few discomforts here and there everything has gone well. I am so thankful that we are in our last few weeks of this.
I know that we never know what is in store for our tomorrows. I am thankful that God has been guiding and preparing me for every step of this journey and I trust He will continue to do that every day for all my tomorrows here on earth. I am most thankful for the fact He has promised me an eternity with Him. So if I am here on earth or with Him in glory I know He is preparing my way. That is a promise I can hold on to. A constant comfort. I don't need to be anxious about my future here on earth or my eternity to come.
Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 10:13
For,"everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this; while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
God offers us these free gifts. First He offers us a way to have a relationship with our creator now where we are and for eternity. Jesus came as a perfect sacrifice to give us a bridge to God. If we acknowledge Him as our only way to God. He will open that pathway to a beautiful life of peace here on earth and throughout eternity.
It doesn't mean life will always be perfect. Cancer is not fun. But it means that He will be our path even in the dark places. He will be our peace when we have no peace. And He will always be our rescuer. He has rescued me time and again. He has given me comfort when I felt beyond comfort. He has directed my path, even when my path was rocky, and given me blessings along the way.
He will do that for you too. Trust Him. He is trustworthy.

Blessings.

Chemo Number Four

Well I am now down to two chemo treatments and four radiation treatments.  Very exciting.

Chemo went well.  It was a rainy day and I just sat by the window and read for a while and talked to a new woman who was settling in with her two daughters there to support her.  My husband came and spent the last hour with me.  It was a calm day.  My blood pressure was a little high when I got there, of course, but it came down and stayed normal with a normal heart rate the entire time.  I was able to get out without any drama.  It was wonderful.  A true blessing.
I spent the day today just laying low.  I feel a little tired and my son stayed home with a fever so we just hung out on the couches all day.  It is still cloudy out today so it was the perfect day just to be lazy.
I have been thinking about a lot of things lately.  I am excited to get better, to get healthier, to get more energetic.  I am excited to make my body stronger and my mind clearer.  I am excited to finish our front room we started to rearrange right before I started treatment.  To do some painting, some clutter clearing all those things I took for granted before, or even dreaded doing.  I can't wait to take a shower without my arm stuck out to the side so it won't get wet....
But I think I want to do it all different now.  I want to enjoy those things that I took as a chore before.  I want to enjoy them because I am doing them for my home, or for my family.  I want to enjoy folding the laundry because I am folding them for the people I love.  I want to enjoy planning and preparing meals because I am feeding the people I love.  I want to enjoy every minute I am serving because God has given me wonderful people to minister to in my home and at my church.  I want to see things differently.
So the count down has now begun.  And I am looking forward to being normal again.  But maybe a little better normal this time around.

Blessings.

Gifts

Chemo number 4 is on schedule for tomorrow. I will be over the halfway hump. Yeah.
Today my bloodwork was good. One of my counts even got an excellent remark from my nurse. ;). so we are good to go for chemo 4.
My blood pressure was up a bit. I liked this nurse though. She didn't look overly alarmed. Maybe it seemed not to bad considering to her. But whatever it was I was thankful for the acceptance.
My blood pressure has been normal at home. So that is a good thing.
Tomorrow I will go in armed with my nausea and happy pills and we will see how it goes.
I am thankful that I am feeling pretty good. Just some discomfort from the radiation and a little on the tired side. Other than that I am doing well.
I was thinking about how God gives us little blessings in our storms and I wanted to share one we had. My daughter is 6. She is a spunky six year old...not an overly quiet or still child. Well the day of chemo 2 we were all getting ready for our day. We had just finished up breakfast and a little devotional that we do sometimes. It was starting to get pretty close to the time to leave so it was starting to get a little loud and busy. We heard a little soft voice say " I want to ask Jesus into my heart". My husband turned to her and said what did you say? You see we weren't talking about that. I don't even think our little devotional was on that. So it took us by surprise a little bit. Well like I said it was getting time to go. I had chemo today. The kids had school. That is what went through my mind for a split second. Thank you god that we had clarity in that moment and were able to just stop and talk to our precious daughter who was being called by God at that very moment. Who knows she may have been thinking about this for some time and just finally blurted it out. What if we would have missed that blurt. What if we would have just not taken the time. What a blessing we would have missed. We had the opportunity as a family to talk with her and help her come to an understanding of what it means to ask Jesus in to her heart. We were all there. My husband, my self, my son. What a gift we were all able to pray with her and be there when she gave her heart to her savior. It was awesome!
This Sunday was Mothers Day and my baby girl was baptized. We were able to go in front of our church as a family and show how God can bless even in the struggles of life. And we got to watch our little girl be baptized with two of her little friends with such fun and joy. What a gift.
I think about how easily I could have focused on my early morning chemo session that morning and missed that sweet little voice. I could have been so concerned about getting there on time I could have said lets just talk about this later. I could have been so focused on how I felt on Sunday and missed the joy my daughter felt at her baptism. These things are gifts from God. These are blessings in trials. It isn't always about getting good blood counts or even anything to do with us. Sometimes if you just look around. You will see blessings all around. If we focus to much on our trials we might miss a little small voice that is trying to give us a gift.

Blessings

Meditate on Gods word

The Lord Commands Joshua

1 After the death of Moses the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses' aide:2 “Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites.3 I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses.4 Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea on the west.

5 No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. 6 “Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them.7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

I read this this morning as I was waiting to get my blood work done in the chemo room.  I have to go there and have my blood drawn from my picc line.  They need to check my counts every week to be sure I am ok for chemo.  

The line that keeps coming back to me is verse 5...No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life.  As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you or forsake you.  

That is quite a verse.  

It speaks in scripture on how we are to meditate on Gods word, the bible. Psalm 1:2.  I have been meditating on that verse.  I really don't have any answers about it but it fascinates me.  No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life.  Wow.  

We are children of God.  He says He will lead us, He will protect us, He will fight for us.  Do we believe that.  It sounds good, but do we understand it?  

I think it is one of those things....we ponder it....we hold it....we meditate on it day and night.  It is a promise God gave to Joshua....is it a promise He has given to us?  

In the new testament Jesus tells his disciples that they will do greater works than He.  John 14.  

We need to be filled with the spirit, we need to study Gods word and we need to know what it says so we are not deceived.  Then we need to ponder on it, God will unlock the jewels that are placed within his word for us to discover.  

And indeed He will never leave you or forsake you all the days of your life.  

That I know for sure!

Blessings

Chemo number 3

Well I suppose this could be referred to as the halfway point. 3 chemo done 3 chemo left.
Everything went good in the beginning the happy pill we decided would be a good try seem to be doing its job. Blood pressure was a little up when I first got in the chair but had come down to normal after my 2 hours of hydrating. I asked my nurse to take my blood pressure just to see what it was before I began getting my meds and it was normal. Then two hours later it was very high with a very high heart rate again. Of course I now had four nurses around me. Apparently I am quite the oddity :). They said things like well you are getting a little blotchy....I said well you are all standing around looking at me. I don't think this is going to make it come down. They agreed :). So they said just sit down and relax. I said I don't think that is going to help so can I just take a walk. They agreed. As long as I didn't leave the building. I think they had the fleeting thought I might just bolt. Tempting..... So I walked around a bit but I knew my heart was racing and that this really wasn't going to work so I went back in to face the music. We sat somewhere else... Maybe a change of scenery.... It was still very high and so was my pulse. I assured my nurse it was not going to go down any time soon and I could see she was getting the same feeling. She consented along with the....if you have a headache, ringing in your ear....I have heard all that before. I assured her my husband who is a firefighter would be all over this and monitoring me. And she let me go, she said she was now concerned it might be the meds as well. My father in law picked me up today and we decided to take a trip to the fire station and have hubby check it out. Yep everything was high. So I went home and took another happy pill to hopefully get the blood pressure down. It did work, a few hours later I was up there again. My blood pressure was normal although my heart rate was high still.
My nurse called me later on and said they had decided to adjust the steroid they are giving me before the chemo in hopes this will help. My doctors nurse also called to check on me and told me the same.
What an adventure. Life is never boring.
I am feeling pretty well. Just hydrating like crazy. It makes me feel good.
Now for some blessings of the day.... Save all the good stuff for last.
My mom and a good and beautiful friend came and cleaned my house today. She also did my laundry. And they planted some of my favorite plants in my planter out front. I love them. They were huge blessings to me today... But then they really are always blessings to me!
Another beautiful friend made me some freezer meals and a yummy cake! And then another beautiful and special couple to us brought me dinner. I was going to be the only one home so I said not to bother. But they bothered and I was blessed.
I was also able to have my mom bring a prayer shawl today for a woman who was going through chemo for the first time today. We got to talk and I was able to encourage her. That was cool
God is cool, even when things are going a little off from good there are always blessing. It is our choice what we chose to focus on.

Blessings

Rescued from our enemies

Psalm 18:1-6

I love you, O Lord, my strength.

² The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; 
    my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. 
    He is my shield and the horn^[a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
³ I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, 
    and I am saved from my enemies.

⁴ The cords of death entangled me;
    the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
⁵ The cords of the grave^[b] coiled around me;
    the snares of death confronted me.
⁶ In my distress I called to the Lord; 
    I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice; 
    my cry came before him, into his ears.

Psalm 18:16-19

He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
    he drew me out of deep waters. 
¹⁷ He rescued me from my powerful enemy, 
    from my foes, who were too strong for me. 
¹⁸ They confronted me in the day of my disaster, 
    but the Lord was my support. 
¹⁹ He brought me out into a spacious place; 
    he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Our enemies can have many different faces.  Sometimes they have no face at all.  But even without a face an enemy can be very powerful.  This passage of scripture really touched me.  God is our refuge, He is our salvation, He will rescue us.

I don't know what that looks like all the time.  I don't know how God will rescue me from my enemies, from the things that grip my life, but I know He says He will over and over in His word.  And my only requirement is to believe and trust that.  

It says in verse 19 that the Lord delights in me.  I know that is a hard one to grasp.  How can a Holy Lord delight in a sinful me?  Because He is an amazing God.  He created me and He loves me, just like I love my children even when I don't like their actions, or motives...I still delight in them.  Think how much more a Holy God can delight in us.  

I am thankful God rescues me, and that he delights in me. That He created me to have a relationship with Him.  I am thankful I don't have to rely on my own weakness to be rescued from my enemies.

Blessings

Blood Pressures

It is amazing how many doctors one person can have.... Well today I got to go to my primary doctor. I like her. She is very sweet and calming. My blood pressure was up to about what it is when I go to the doctor. A little high. I have heard people say it is white coat syndrome. I don't know. I know it is real because when I got home and my husband took my blood pressure it was pretty good. I wonder why it goes up when I am going to the doctor? I like my doctor. She is always very nice. She makes me feel comfortable, she never gives me shots :). Who knows. I am very puzzled by this. I told my husband I am going to start wearing that blood pressure cup all the time until this goes away. It would match the IV on my other arm...
I know this blood pressure thing is real. I just don't know why it happens. What am I so nervous about? It is just my blood pressure. They just take it and give me that look and write it down. But eventually they seem to just accept that is how I am and we just move on. I think next time someone takes it and I get that look I am just going to shrug and say " oh well!". I am tired of worrying about my blood pressure being high. It makes my blood pressure high!!!
I don't think I will be solving this issue anytime soon. My doctor is monitoring it. My husband is monitoring it. The people at the chemo room will most definitely be monitoring it. So I think I will just try to relax with it. And the next time someone takes my blood pressure and gives me that look...I am just going to smile real big and say as sweetly as I can... Oh well....

Blessings