First week of treatment

Well a week has passed and here we go again...
I had a good week.  I am thankful that I was able to keep the nausea controlled with the medication and that I felt pretty good all week.  I was a little fuzzy feeling.  I was tired, a different sort of tired.  One where you just look at the bed and think...I could go to sleep.  But then you decide maybe I won't.  I didn't accomplish much more than your basics, laundry, dishes...the basic everyday things.  I made sure I was in bed every night early and my wonderful husband brought the kiddos in to school for me the mornings he could so I didn't have to get me and them ready in the AM.  I am thankful for my nurse who told me to just keep moving.  It was good advise.  I was even able to help with the set for my children's spring musical at their school this week.  That was a lot of fun.
I had a good week. I am thankful.  I know God is faithful and has given me a good week.  All good gifts are from God.  James 1:17 declares it.  I am thankful for all the prayers of those who care about me and my family.  God has been good to us.
As I head into another week I don't know what will be in store.  I am praying and trusting that whatever comes God will be by my side.  He will take away any fear I encounter and He will come up beside me in any challenge I come up against.  I know He will, because He always has.  God tells us to persevere in our trials, to continue on.  Not to quit, or lay down when you just want to give up.  He promises great rewards for those who persevere.  I think the reward is for here on earth and for our eternal reward.  He promise to mold us, to make us into a person He has designed us to be.  I know that will come with trials and testing and that is not a desired thing but I know the end result will be a better me.  A me who God can use for His glory.
It is a choice we make.  A choice to persevere.  Everyday.  In every situation, big or small.  It is all a choice.  Do we give in and lay down and say it is just to much?  Or do we say, maybe not today.  Today I will simply persevere.  God will meet you there when you chose to persevere.  He always has me.
Oh!  and one more chemo advice I was given by my nurse...drink, drink, drink....so I am already hydrating and praying for another good week.

Blessings

Chemo Day One

Well I have now had my first Chemo treatment.  It went well.  The place is beautiful, the waiting room is like a fine hotel waiting room.  When I checked in at the front desk I was given a lunch menu to choose from full of yummy foods....I like yummy foods.  Then they lead us back to a spacious room with lots of chairs that recline.  There were windows all along the walls.  I was shown a section and the nurse told me I could choose my chair.  I picked the one by the window, it looked out at some green trees.  I settled in and they gave me a warmed blanket (everywhere I go they give me a warm blanket).  And we began to talk about all the things we are suppose to talk about with the nurse.  She asked me a lot of questions....gave me some more details about what could happen....she gave me a cool book that will answer any questions I might have, since I really wasn't paying that much attention ;)  She took my blood pressure and of course it was high, and my pulse was high....I was a little more nervous than I thought I suppose.  Well we talked about that....and we took it again...still high....I wasn't surprised.  My blood pressure always goes up when I am at a new doctor.  She had to call my doctor and He wanted me to take some sleepy medicine..so we talked some more...there is a lot of talking I think this first time around.  The nurse decided that we would wait on the sleepy meds and just keep checking my blood pressure.  I told her I was going to watch a Beth Moore bible study so I really didn't want to go to sleep, but I said I would do what ever she thought I should do.  We decided to wait a bit.
So we attacked the next issue.... getting an IV into my tiny veins.  I told the nurse that this is an issue a lot of times, you know...just to warn her ;)  This was really a bit of an anxiety thing I was having with the whole chemo thing.  I had told a couple people and asked for prayer for this specific thing and God really answered this one in such an awesome way.  I was told that I should drink a lot of water going into chemo, that this would help my veins.  So I took it upon myself to drink very large quantities of water...you know to help God out ;)  Well of course God had this all worked out already, He really didn't need my help.  I mean I had prayed and asked for prayer that God would go ahead of us and prepare this path.  And then I had prayed and asked for specific prayer that God would help my veins get bigger.  Well He had it all worked out, in His way, not the way I had thought.  The nurse brought out this cool machine that is like a scanner and she ran it over my arm and  she could see a vein.  It was such a God sent blessing.  I was very thankful.  She was able to get the IV in and we were all set to go!  Isn't God cool????
So I was hooked up and they first gave me a bag of fluid to get my body hydrated.  I sat there for 2 hours getting the first bag of fluid.  I read a little, watched the video for an hour, ate lunch, got my blood pressure checked ;0, used the restroom, used the restroom....did I mention I was REALLY hydrated! I  chatted with the woman who came a little after me.  It was her first time too.  We talked about all the things she had heard and I told her all the things I had heard.  We discovered we were going through the same treatment for the same thing....Isn't that cool too!  My Mom came and visited me for a while.  Then I began to get the chemo bag.  By then I was comfy in my seat and I decided not to think about the fact that I was now getting chemo.  My awesome nurse assured me this would feel no different than the fluid, she was right.  So I took the chemo bag for 1 hour.  More chatting with my new chemo friend and book reading, going to the bathroom toteing along my IV....By then my husband was back and I got to spend some time chatting with him.  And of course the nurse came and took my blood pressure, just to keep an eye on me.  I never did get the sleepy medicine. My blood pressure was still a little high but everyone seemed comfortable with it.  She was gracious to me.  She knew I really didn't want to take the sleepy meds so she had assured me I would be fine because she was watching me.  I don't think it would have been bad to have taken the sleepy meds.  I just wasn't feeling anxious, I mean I guess I was, but I didn't feel anxious.  I don't know what difference it would have made, but I never did take it.
Then all of a sudden my IV beeped and it was all done.  My IV was pulled out, I didn't even feel that.  And I was free to go.
It was a nice place, the people were wonderful, very skilled, very sweet, very kind, very reassuring,very comforting.  I could not have been in any better hands.  But I know I was in God's hands which IS even better.  He truly went before me and prepared my path.  In His perfect way.  I am so thankful I have a God that can prepare my way.  What a gift.  If I place my trust in Him He promises to take care of me.
Matthew 6:26
Look at the birds in the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?
The birds I see usually look pretty well taken care of.  God seems to do a great job with them.  They often are singing pretty little songs.  They don't seem anxious, they know they are taken care of.  I can trust that same God to take care of me.  It says so in Matthew 6.
Well I have a week to come I am sure it won't be all easy.  I am going to take my meds, and go 50 mph (or maybe 60) instead of my usual 120 mph and we will just see how it goes.  I am glad my nurse told me to do as much as I can.  I think I will try to do as much as I can.  I know my God has got me.  I am going to trust Him this week.  I know He will take care of me, just like He does the birds.

Blessings

Radiation: One Down Twenty four To Go!

This morning I had my first radiation treatment. I wasn't nervous but apprehensive would describe it well. I didn't know what to expect...the unknow seems to be an issue with me. Somehow I seem to think if I know exactly what is going to happen to me I will feel better about it all....be able to prepare myself. It must be that controlling desire in me.

Well I went in and got on my robe...it was red today...and they brought me in asked if the procedure had been explained to me..(I am thinking....a hundred and then a couple more and I am still clueless!) I got positioned on the table and they lined up my tatoo dots :) and told me they were going to take a couple pictures and get everything lined up and then they would be back in before they did the actual radiation. They gave me a nice, warm blanket (which I am becoming accustom to....) and left me there. To lay still. By myself. I had a brief anxiety moment...I mean they were going to zap me with radiation! What even is that?!?!? But the Lord got me back together rather quickly and I decided it was best to just remain calm and focus on Him. If Peter could walk on water while He was focused on God, I suppose we could get through this.

So they took the pictures and came back in and checked everything..and she left again. I have decided I am going to close my eyes for these scans, and radiations and exrays...I really don't need to know what is going on around me. So I just layed back and tried to relax...again another anxious moment....because this is sorta weird! Well, we got it back together and I started just singing some praise songs in my head. It calmed me. Then I noticed the strange noise the machine was making. It reminded me of a chomping sounds...I immediately started thinking about pac man for some reason and had the picture of the radiation chomping out my cancer....chomp, chomp, chomp...it was sorta cool. So I sang praise music in my head, and every once in a while said "chomp, chomp, chomp" (in my head of course:) And then it was over before I knew it.

I got up and got dressed and was out the door. One down twenty four to go!

I went shopping...I figured I deserved it :)

Isn't it amazing how much can go through a persons mind in such a short amount of time. I don't think I was on that table long but I feel like I had so many different emotions...fear, anxiety, peace, even a little giggle inside. It reminds me again that our emotions are not all that trustworthy. They seem to fail us when we need them the most.

Proverbs 3:5-8

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

We should trust in God alone. He is the only one who we can trust. He knows us, He knows our future, He knows our past....

He still loves us!

So no matter if you are just a little frazzled today or you have little radiation pac man chomping at your cancer.....God is good and trustworthy. Put your trust in Him, not yourself or your silly emotions. Focus on God...literally...like Peter did. And He will help you walk on water too.

Blessings

Delivered

Psalm 34:22

The Lord redeems his servants no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 34:19

A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.

Psalm 34:17

The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from their troubles.

Psalm 34:17 was in a card sent to me encouraging me recently. I really like the verse...I mean it says the righteous cry out and the Lord delivers them from their troubles! Wow! That is good news. I love these promises in Gods Word. Well I decided to check out Psalm 34. Well I found some more great things about God's deliverance and help in time of trouble.

I started thinking about all the great bible stories I love to share with my kids. Daniel and all his great times of being so bold for the Lord. Daniel was firm in his faith when He and his friends refused to bow down to a false idol or in that lions den. Joseph and the pit his brothers threw him in or his time spent in prison. How Joseph gave Glory to God for his trials. Abraham and his faithfulness to the Lord with his only son. And so many more....

God was faithful to deliver them, even again and again. They each sought the Lord and He delivered them.

We are righteous. If we accept the gift of salvation God made a way for us, not by our own works but by Christ who died on the cross so we might have a right relationship with a Holy God. We can cry out to the Lord and He will deliver us from our troubles. We may have many troubles...but He will deliver us from them all. He will come to our sides, walk with us and give us peace as we walk through our trials. He won't leave us, He will deliver us.

I start on a trial this week. It isn't something I want to do, but God has already been so faithful in this journey. He has allowed me to have peace. He has done great things in others lives around me. I have cried out to Him for His deliverance and I know He will deliver me through this time too as He has so many other times in my life. I know He will allow me and my family many blessings along the way. My prayer is I don't miss them.

I am excited for all the things God has planned in advance for me through this journey. I am thankful for all the wonderful people He has brought along side me already to encourage and support me and my family. He is a God who is in continual work, good works, to grow us and bless us with His presence and knowledge.

And He will deliver us. It might now always be immediate, it may not always be the way we would do it....but since He is the creator of the universe.....oh and He made me.....I am going to trust His way, by His Grace, and believe He will deliver me too.

Blessings

Detailed details

Yesterday was a long day. We had only two doctors appointments.... How long could that take? Well apparently all day. We started at the oncologist in the morning after dropping the kids at school. Thankfully they are near one another. The appointment went well. We went over my results and my oncologist was pleases that there had been no spreading of the cancer. Then we went back to talk to a wonderful woman who explained what would be happening next with the chemo and radiation, any side effects I could expect like tiredness and nausea. We discussed the nausea pills I will take and that I will be spending about 6 hours getting my chemo once a week. It was nice to have someone so helpful, kind, and willing to take the time to answer any questions we might have and go over what will be coming. She was a blessing and answer to prayer. I will be having chemo for 5-6 weeks on Mondays. These will be long days for me because after chemo I will need to go and have radiation as well that day. I shouldn't lose my hair, maybe just some thinning out. And if I stay on top of the nausea with the medicine i will have I shouldn't have any of that either. I will have to have blood work done ( on my tiny veins... Ugh) every week to make sure all my cells are behaving. They will closely watch that.
Then off to lunch we went...
Then to the radiologist we went. It was late in the day already so we waited a while there. When we got in we went over everything again with the nurse practitioner... What to expect, the tiredness and metallic taste in my mouth making it a little hard to eat...so much information. Then we saw the doctor and he told us what to expect... We really should know everything by now I was thinking..... The doctor
Said that after the radiation is complete He would then have me have a surgical procedure where I will stay in the hospital 2-3 days and have a heavy radiation dose done to complete the process. He said He wants to be as aggressive as He can with me since I am young:) and healthy to be sure we did as much to kill any cells that may be lingering. Then He told me How they do the radiation and pinpoint exactly where to target the radiation. It all sounded so scientific and amazing. He told me I would be tattooed so that they would have permanent markers to line up the beams. Crazy! It sounded almost as complicated as rocket science. I am thankful there are people God has gifted to be able to figure this sort of stuff out. So then I was brought into a room and there they molded my legs into a mold that I will be placed in to make sure everything lines up the same every time. It was a large sheet of something that they pumped up and molded to fit my legs, like a leg rest. That will stay that way for my whole time of treatment so that every time I come I will just have to get in my mold and they line up my tattoo dots:) and off we go. Then. She tatooed me with three little freckle like dots (my first tatoo, my husband says once you get one they are addictive :). When it was over they did a test run and got the X-rays so they could make this all happen with those amazing people that do that. So when I come back everyday I just get in my mold and they radiate me ;). And I am out of there with in a half an hour. That will be nice because I will be going there Mon-Friday for 5-6 weeks.
Then it was over. I will begin Radiation on Wednesday of next week. It was a long day but now we have a plan of action and we can get moving on it. I am ready and relying on God to continue going ahead of me as we go down this journey together. I appreciate your prayers and support and I love you all.

More from Streams in the desert

This was from Streams in the desert yesterday. It really ministered to me.
I spend my life rushing and planing. God calls me to wait on Him. That is something hard for me to do but I desperately want to learn how to do this.

Don't Rush

"Who is among you that feareth Jehovah, that obeyeth the voice of his servant? He that walketh in darkness and hath no light, let him trust in the name of Jehovah and rely upon his God" (Isa. 50:10, RV).

What shall the believer do in times of darkness -- the darkness of perplexity and confusion, not of heart but of mind? Times of darkness come to the faithful and believing disciple who is walking obediently in the will of God; seasons when he does not know what to do, nor which way to turn. The sky is overcast with clouds. The clear light of Heaven does not shine upon his pathway. One feels as if he were groping his way in darkness.

Beloved, is this you? What shall the believer do in times of darkness? Listen! "Let him trust in the name of the Lord, and rely upon his God."

The first thing to do is do nothing. This is hard for poor human nature to do. In the West there is a saying that runs thus, "When you're rattled, don't rush"; in other words, "When you don't know what to do, don't do it."

When you run into a spiritual fog bank, don't tear ahead; slow down the machinery of your life. If necessary, anchor your bark or let it swing at its moorings. We are to simply trust God. While we trust, God can work. Worry prevents Him from doing anything for us. If our minds are distracted and our hearts distressed; if the darkness that overshadows us strikes terror to us; if we run hither and yon in a vain effort to find some way of escape out of a dark place of trial, where Divine providence has put us, the Lord can do nothing for us.

The peace of God must quiet our minds and rest our hearts. We must put our hand in the hand of God like a little child, and let Him lead us out into the bright sunshine of His love.

He knows the way out of the woods. Let us climb up into His arms, and trust Him to take us out by the shortest and surest road.
--Dr. Pardington

***

Remember we are never without a pilot when we know not how to steer.

"Hold on, my heart, in thy believing--
The steadfast only wins the crown;
He who, when stormy winds are heaving,
Parts with its anchor, shall go down;

But he who Jesus holds through all,
Shall stand, though Heaven and earth should fall.

"Hold out! There comes an end to sorrow;
Hope from the dust shall conquering rise;
The storm foretells a summer's morrow;
The Cross points on to Paradise;

The Father reigneth! cease all doubt;
Hold on, my heart, hold on, hold out."

Good News

I woke up this morning filled with a joyful spirit. I knew God was telling me my results would come today and I knew He was telling me they would be good news. The hope I had was filled with joy but it was such a small hope I couldn't even share it with anyone. I felt like it was so small that I didn't even have the courage to utter it aloud. I knew I just needed to hang on to it and pray that it would grow. My Mom emails me encouragement a lot of the times early in the morning. This morning she sent me just a simple verse..

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new
thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the
desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19
Hugs, Mom

Wow! God was even going to confirm what He had given me as I awoke this morning but my faith was still so small all I could do was hold onto it. I couldn't share it.

The phone rang and I saw it was the doctor office and then they hung up for some reason...so frusterating. I decided to call them, that was just to much. Obviously they had the results and I was done waiting, I wanted to know.

I called back but the nurse was busy so I left her a message. Thankfully she returned my call very quickly and told me my cancer was contained, it had not spread. I was so amazed, excited, humbled....so many emotions. After we talked about the next doctors appointments on my schedule we hung up.

My husband had gone on a run and my children were swimming in the pool so I just stood here and praised God. I felt so honored that He had allowed me to come this far and that He had been so gracious to me and my family by containing my cancer. I felt so humbled that I had ever doubted Him and all the prayers that were being prayed for me and my family. I felt undeserving, humbled, amazed, thankful....the story of the 10 lepers that were healed by Jesus and only one came back and thanked him. I want to be that 1 but honestly how do you thank a God who is so great, so awesome. There is no way. I thought about making Him some promises about the person I was going to be from here on out...but Him and I both know there will be many times again that I fail Him. So I just kept saying 'thank you'. He knows I am thankful, I know He loves me and none of this was a surprise to Him.

So I am going to continue to walk in Christ. There are still going to be tough times in my journey I know. But God graciously has confirmed once again His awesome love for me and I know together we will be fine.

Know God has the same love for each one of you. It is Good Friday. Today is the day we remember that Jesus sacrificed His body on a cross to save us from eternal separation from God. He did that for me and for you.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

We have heard this verse over and over...but do we believe it? He really did not have to hang on a cross for us, we don't deserve it, not one of us do.

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

But the next verse is...

Romans 3:24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrated his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished.

This was the only way that we can have a relationship with God, Jesus knowing that, willing suffered and hung on the cross so that we could be free of our sinful burdens and be able to share in eternity with our loving God. That is love. And I am grateful for it.

This Easter lets all remember how Holy and amazing our God is...and how much He loves us, He demonstrated it by the cross. That should be all the proof we need. Find a church to go to on Sunday and worship God. He is deserving and worthy. If you don't know Him, ask me how you can, or that person who has been sharing God's love with you for some time now, find a bible believing church and get involved. You will never regret it. God will never let you down. He will fill you with peace in your struggles and give purpose to your every day.

Blessing

PET scan

The scan has been done. Everyone was very nice again. I have to say the people who work in this area of health care are the nicest people. They are just enjoyable to be around. It makes it so much more pleasant and I think that shows what kind of people they are. So I am thankful and asking God to really just bless those who work in the medical field who truly do their job with joy. It makes a difficult journey a little nicer.
My appointment got moved up a little earlier in the day so I dropped the kids off at school and went to the scan. My son wasn't to excited about going to the early morning room at school but he did it. We prayed and asked God to bless him this morning and I was so excited to see his buddies there right when we opened the door. God is so good.
When I got to the doctor I was ushered back to a little room with a recliner, set an IV in me, which went well, and a few other things to let's just say keep my bladder clear :). I was given a nice warm blanket and told to relax for an hour. They had a tv I could watch but I decided to read. After the hour went by (rather quickly I don't get to sit quietly with a warm blanket and read very often). He came for me and we went for the scan. The scan was fine. I was feeling peaceful and they even gave me music to listen too. It went by quickly and I was very peaceful. I had a little itch but I asked God to get that for me :) since I knew he was in there with me.
I am thankful I didnt get too worked up over getting this scan. I can see how your mind could make you freak out over it. But I was able to just relax and know it was really just for a moment.
Now we wait for the results. God is in control of those as well. Be anxious for nothing it says over and over in the bible. I believe we really can not do that in our own power, but if we allow our BIG God to walk us through our journey either big or small He can keep our anxious hearts calm. God is good all the time. In our peace in our anxiety. None of it changes our big God. So I am going to trust Him today with my big problems and my small. He is trustworthy. He will never let you down.

Blessings

Todays Good News

We received good news today. I had an appointment with my OBGYN scheduled for today. I knew it was set up originally to discuss my biopsy and to make sure all was healing from the biopsy...I wondered if I really needed to go, but I had passed on doctors appointments so much in the past I thought I really should just go.

When I got there I got to share with the nurse about all of you praying for me and how I had been so blessed by it. We started talking about prayer and I shared I attended a large church and that I had so many people praying for me. She said "I need to go to church" and I was able to give her one of our tip cards for our Easter Sunday Services. I was so excited. Good News.

Then when I arrived at the doctor she said "I didn't think you would come today" So I told her that I wasn't blowing off doctor appointments and she laughed and we sat down and talked. She was able to share the diagnosis of the biopsy as stage 1B2 and explained that cervical cancer is the only cancer that can be staged without surgery. Good News. Stage 1 cervical cancer is defined as not spreading beyond the cervical area. That is why, she explained, the oncologist did not think it would have spread and he was only being cautious with the PET test that we will have on Wednesday to just be sure.

I am excited for my Good News today and am looking forward to more Good News to come. Thank you all for your prayers. God has been gracious to me in the peace He has allowed us to have even in our turmoil. Praising Him today and everyday in the Good News days and the bad. I shared with my doctor that I have had up and down days. She asked me if I needed anything for those down days and I was able to share that my bible helps me through those down days. I am so thankful for my Lord and His word.

Read it today! You will be blessed!

Blessings