We went to get my blood work done on Tuesday as usual and to see my oncologist about my upcoming internal radiation in the hospital. We met with my oncologist and his nurse Cindy ( who I love and has been a God send throughout this treatment). My oncologist examined me, He was pleased and said my tumor had shrunk to just traces and that the internal radiation would take care of what was left. We had our consultation about the treatment. And got the arrival time for Monday, and all the details on preparing for the 3-4 day hospital stay.
Then we headed down for my blood draw. We were a little late, the doctors always seem to take longer than you expect. When we got in the nurse began going through her papers reading the orders aloud to us..."
So your chemo has been cancelled for tomorrow......". "what!" my husband and I both said at the same time, in disbelief! The nurse looked at us surprised and said " no one has said anything to you?". Ahhh No???????? As I can feel myself about to pass out for JOY the nurse says " well let me check that, don't get to excited ! I told her I would try my best not to get to excited....
We finished my blood draw and she asked if we could just wait a moment and she would go and talk to the nurse and just make sure.
We sat there...just in disbelief. Could it be true? Could my last chemo be cancelled? It was to much to hope for. See I was really dreading this one. I couldn't put my finger on why. I was trying to be patient. I know God had been teaching me to live in the moment. Not to look to tomorrow. To focus on what was today. But I knew the end was near and I just couldn't seem to not dread this las t chemo. I had felt a little more queasy this last time around. A little more tired. I couldn't help thinking what is this last one going to be like? My kids were home from school now, I was ready for this to be done! I wasn't being patient at all. I was near the end and I was ready for it to be over! And that was all I could see.
Here comes the nurse..."I am so happy I get to be the one who tells you this she said....". It was true! It had been cancelled! Amazing! Unbelievable! What a gift! We were so excited I never really asked the reason why. I don't think I cared! I just knew I didn't have to go through that last chemo I was dreading!!!! Praise God!
What a great God we serve who continues to bless us even in our trials. I thought about my anxiousness with this last treatment. Why was I so anxious this time around? Why was I dreading it so?
I believe God gives us grace for our circumstances. He gives us what we need to get through our trials. He gives us what we need. Not more, not less. Could it have been I wasn't going to need the grace to get through that last treatment. He knew I wasn't going to have it even though I didn't. He had given me the grace, the endurance to come to this point. Did I not need the endurance to go where I wasn't even headed? Shouldn't I just have trusted in Him. Not to have worried or been anxious? I know He would have given me the grace to make it through that last treatment if I would have had it. But I didnt need it. And God knew that. What a cool thought.
Well now I am headed for a few days in the hospital. I will be pretty isolated due to the radiation I will be receiving. It will be a long few days I am sure. But, when it is over I will no longer have my IV in my arm and I will walk out of that hospital a cured woman. I will be able to get my life back. I know I will never be the same woman I was but I am actually good with that. I think a new and improved me will be even better. I am looking forward to getting to know her. The new improved me. I hope she remembers every mile of this journey and remembers all the blessings along the way.... All the prayers and love from friends and family, all the help I have received along the way from so many wonderful people who have brought me meals, taken my children, cleaned my house, given me beautiful cards, and special gifts of all kinds. All the encouraging words. All those who constantly remind me they are praying for me. All those who sent me bible verses to encourage me or even just a kind word. You were all in this journey with me and every step was made easier because of what you have done for me and my family.
I hope this new me remembers all of that and is never the same because of it.
I love you all.
But most of all I hope this new me remember how faithful my God was throughout this journey. How He blessed me over and over. How H e calmed me, fought for me, prepared my path over and over and over...how He comforted me when I was scared. How He gave me that peace that passes all understanding. How He taught me to be content in all circumstances. And that often times that it is the trials in our life's that are God's mercy in disguise. That we have to look for the blessings and not to just focus on our difficult circumstances. To enjoy the gifts God gives even in our times of struggle. And most of all how God is trustworthy today, tomorrow and for all eternity. That is something we can count on.
I really hope the new me remembers that.....
Blessings
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Last Radiation
I had my last radiation treatment last night. It was somewhat emotional. I am so thankful for all the treatment I had to make my cancer go away. I am so thankful that aside from a few discomforts here and there everything has gone well. I am so thankful that we are in our last few weeks of this.
I know that we never know what is in store for our tomorrows. I am thankful that God has been guiding and preparing me for every step of this journey and I trust He will continue to do that every day for all my tomorrows here on earth. I am most thankful for the fact He has promised me an eternity with Him. So if I am here on earth or with Him in glory I know He is preparing my way. That is a promise I can hold on to. A constant comfort. I don't need to be anxious about my future here on earth or my eternity to come.
Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 10:13
For,"everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this; while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
God offers us these free gifts. First He offers us a way to have a relationship with our creator now where we are and for eternity. Jesus came as a perfect sacrifice to give us a bridge to God. If we acknowledge Him as our only way to God. He will open that pathway to a beautiful life of peace here on earth and throughout eternity.
It doesn't mean life will always be perfect. Cancer is not fun. But it means that He will be our path even in the dark places. He will be our peace when we have no peace. And He will always be our rescuer. He has rescued me time and again. He has given me comfort when I felt beyond comfort. He has directed my path, even when my path was rocky, and given me blessings along the way.
He will do that for you too. Trust Him. He is trustworthy.
Blessings.
I know that we never know what is in store for our tomorrows. I am thankful that God has been guiding and preparing me for every step of this journey and I trust He will continue to do that every day for all my tomorrows here on earth. I am most thankful for the fact He has promised me an eternity with Him. So if I am here on earth or with Him in glory I know He is preparing my way. That is a promise I can hold on to. A constant comfort. I don't need to be anxious about my future here on earth or my eternity to come.
Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 10:13
For,"everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this; while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
God offers us these free gifts. First He offers us a way to have a relationship with our creator now where we are and for eternity. Jesus came as a perfect sacrifice to give us a bridge to God. If we acknowledge Him as our only way to God. He will open that pathway to a beautiful life of peace here on earth and throughout eternity.
It doesn't mean life will always be perfect. Cancer is not fun. But it means that He will be our path even in the dark places. He will be our peace when we have no peace. And He will always be our rescuer. He has rescued me time and again. He has given me comfort when I felt beyond comfort. He has directed my path, even when my path was rocky, and given me blessings along the way.
He will do that for you too. Trust Him. He is trustworthy.
Blessings.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Chemo Number Four
Well I am now down to two chemo treatments and four radiation treatments. Very exciting.
Chemo went well. It was a rainy day and I just sat by the window and read for a while and talked to a new woman who was settling in with her two daughters there to support her. My husband came and spent the last hour with me. It was a calm day. My blood pressure was a little high when I got there, of course, but it came down and stayed normal with a normal heart rate the entire time. I was able to get out without any drama. It was wonderful. A true blessing.
I spent the day today just laying low. I feel a little tired and my son stayed home with a fever so we just hung out on the couches all day. It is still cloudy out today so it was the perfect day just to be lazy.
I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. I am excited to get better, to get healthier, to get more energetic. I am excited to make my body stronger and my mind clearer. I am excited to finish our front room we started to rearrange right before I started treatment. To do some painting, some clutter clearing all those things I took for granted before, or even dreaded doing. I can't wait to take a shower without my arm stuck out to the side so it won't get wet....
But I think I want to do it all different now. I want to enjoy those things that I took as a chore before. I want to enjoy them because I am doing them for my home, or for my family. I want to enjoy folding the laundry because I am folding them for the people I love. I want to enjoy planning and preparing meals because I am feeding the people I love. I want to enjoy every minute I am serving because God has given me wonderful people to minister to in my home and at my church. I want to see things differently.
So the count down has now begun. And I am looking forward to being normal again. But maybe a little better normal this time around.
Blessings.
Chemo went well. It was a rainy day and I just sat by the window and read for a while and talked to a new woman who was settling in with her two daughters there to support her. My husband came and spent the last hour with me. It was a calm day. My blood pressure was a little high when I got there, of course, but it came down and stayed normal with a normal heart rate the entire time. I was able to get out without any drama. It was wonderful. A true blessing.
I spent the day today just laying low. I feel a little tired and my son stayed home with a fever so we just hung out on the couches all day. It is still cloudy out today so it was the perfect day just to be lazy.
I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. I am excited to get better, to get healthier, to get more energetic. I am excited to make my body stronger and my mind clearer. I am excited to finish our front room we started to rearrange right before I started treatment. To do some painting, some clutter clearing all those things I took for granted before, or even dreaded doing. I can't wait to take a shower without my arm stuck out to the side so it won't get wet....
But I think I want to do it all different now. I want to enjoy those things that I took as a chore before. I want to enjoy them because I am doing them for my home, or for my family. I want to enjoy folding the laundry because I am folding them for the people I love. I want to enjoy planning and preparing meals because I am feeding the people I love. I want to enjoy every minute I am serving because God has given me wonderful people to minister to in my home and at my church. I want to see things differently.
So the count down has now begun. And I am looking forward to being normal again. But maybe a little better normal this time around.
Blessings.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Gifts
Chemo number 4 is on schedule for tomorrow. I will be over the halfway hump. Yeah.
Today my bloodwork was good. One of my counts even got an excellent remark from my nurse. ;). so we are good to go for chemo 4.
My blood pressure was up a bit. I liked this nurse though. She didn't look overly alarmed. Maybe it seemed not to bad considering to her. But whatever it was I was thankful for the acceptance.
My blood pressure has been normal at home. So that is a good thing.
Tomorrow I will go in armed with my nausea and happy pills and we will see how it goes.
I am thankful that I am feeling pretty good. Just some discomfort from the radiation and a little on the tired side. Other than that I am doing well.
I was thinking about how God gives us little blessings in our storms and I wanted to share one we had. My daughter is 6. She is a spunky six year old...not an overly quiet or still child. Well the day of chemo 2 we were all getting ready for our day. We had just finished up breakfast and a little devotional that we do sometimes. It was starting to get pretty close to the time to leave so it was starting to get a little loud and busy. We heard a little soft voice say " I want to ask Jesus into my heart". My husband turned to her and said what did you say? You see we weren't talking about that. I don't even think our little devotional was on that. So it took us by surprise a little bit. Well like I said it was getting time to go. I had chemo today. The kids had school. That is what went through my mind for a split second. Thank you god that we had clarity in that moment and were able to just stop and talk to our precious daughter who was being called by God at that very moment. Who knows she may have been thinking about this for some time and just finally blurted it out. What if we would have missed that blurt. What if we would have just not taken the time. What a blessing we would have missed. We had the opportunity as a family to talk with her and help her come to an understanding of what it means to ask Jesus in to her heart. We were all there. My husband, my self, my son. What a gift we were all able to pray with her and be there when she gave her heart to her savior. It was awesome!
This Sunday was Mothers Day and my baby girl was baptized. We were able to go in front of our church as a family and show how God can bless even in the struggles of life. And we got to watch our little girl be baptized with two of her little friends with such fun and joy. What a gift.
I think about how easily I could have focused on my early morning chemo session that morning and missed that sweet little voice. I could have been so concerned about getting there on time I could have said lets just talk about this later. I could have been so focused on how I felt on Sunday and missed the joy my daughter felt at her baptism. These things are gifts from God. These are blessings in trials. It isn't always about getting good blood counts or even anything to do with us. Sometimes if you just look around. You will see blessings all around. If we focus to much on our trials we might miss a little small voice that is trying to give us a gift.
Blessings
Today my bloodwork was good. One of my counts even got an excellent remark from my nurse. ;). so we are good to go for chemo 4.
My blood pressure was up a bit. I liked this nurse though. She didn't look overly alarmed. Maybe it seemed not to bad considering to her. But whatever it was I was thankful for the acceptance.
My blood pressure has been normal at home. So that is a good thing.
Tomorrow I will go in armed with my nausea and happy pills and we will see how it goes.
I am thankful that I am feeling pretty good. Just some discomfort from the radiation and a little on the tired side. Other than that I am doing well.
I was thinking about how God gives us little blessings in our storms and I wanted to share one we had. My daughter is 6. She is a spunky six year old...not an overly quiet or still child. Well the day of chemo 2 we were all getting ready for our day. We had just finished up breakfast and a little devotional that we do sometimes. It was starting to get pretty close to the time to leave so it was starting to get a little loud and busy. We heard a little soft voice say " I want to ask Jesus into my heart". My husband turned to her and said what did you say? You see we weren't talking about that. I don't even think our little devotional was on that. So it took us by surprise a little bit. Well like I said it was getting time to go. I had chemo today. The kids had school. That is what went through my mind for a split second. Thank you god that we had clarity in that moment and were able to just stop and talk to our precious daughter who was being called by God at that very moment. Who knows she may have been thinking about this for some time and just finally blurted it out. What if we would have missed that blurt. What if we would have just not taken the time. What a blessing we would have missed. We had the opportunity as a family to talk with her and help her come to an understanding of what it means to ask Jesus in to her heart. We were all there. My husband, my self, my son. What a gift we were all able to pray with her and be there when she gave her heart to her savior. It was awesome!
This Sunday was Mothers Day and my baby girl was baptized. We were able to go in front of our church as a family and show how God can bless even in the struggles of life. And we got to watch our little girl be baptized with two of her little friends with such fun and joy. What a gift.
I think about how easily I could have focused on my early morning chemo session that morning and missed that sweet little voice. I could have been so concerned about getting there on time I could have said lets just talk about this later. I could have been so focused on how I felt on Sunday and missed the joy my daughter felt at her baptism. These things are gifts from God. These are blessings in trials. It isn't always about getting good blood counts or even anything to do with us. Sometimes if you just look around. You will see blessings all around. If we focus to much on our trials we might miss a little small voice that is trying to give us a gift.
Blessings
Meditate on Gods word
The Lord Commands Joshua
1 After the death of Moses the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses' aide:2 “Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites.3 I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses.4 Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea on the west.
5 No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. 6 “Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them.7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.
9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
I read this this morning as I was waiting to get my blood work done in the chemo room. I have to go there and have my blood drawn from my picc line. They need to check my counts every week to be sure I am ok for chemo.
The line that keeps coming back to me is verse 5...No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you or forsake you.
That is quite a verse.
It speaks in scripture on how we are to meditate on Gods word, the bible. Psalm 1:2. I have been meditating on that verse. I really don't have any answers about it but it fascinates me. No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. Wow.
We are children of God. He says He will lead us, He will protect us, He will fight for us. Do we believe that. It sounds good, but do we understand it?
I think it is one of those things....we ponder it....we hold it....we meditate on it day and night. It is a promise God gave to Joshua....is it a promise He has given to us?
In the new testament Jesus tells his disciples that they will do greater works than He. John 14.
We need to be filled with the spirit, we need to study Gods word and we need to know what it says so we are not deceived. Then we need to ponder on it, God will unlock the jewels that are placed within his word for us to discover.
And indeed He will never leave you or forsake you all the days of your life.
That I know for sure!
Blessings
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Chemo number 3
Well I suppose this could be referred to as the halfway point. 3 chemo done 3 chemo left.
Everything went good in the beginning the happy pill we decided would be a good try seem to be doing its job. Blood pressure was a little up when I first got in the chair but had come down to normal after my 2 hours of hydrating. I asked my nurse to take my blood pressure just to see what it was before I began getting my meds and it was normal. Then two hours later it was very high with a very high heart rate again. Of course I now had four nurses around me. Apparently I am quite the oddity :). They said things like well you are getting a little blotchy....I said well you are all standing around looking at me. I don't think this is going to make it come down. They agreed :). So they said just sit down and relax. I said I don't think that is going to help so can I just take a walk. They agreed. As long as I didn't leave the building. I think they had the fleeting thought I might just bolt. Tempting..... So I walked around a bit but I knew my heart was racing and that this really wasn't going to work so I went back in to face the music. We sat somewhere else... Maybe a change of scenery.... It was still very high and so was my pulse. I assured my nurse it was not going to go down any time soon and I could see she was getting the same feeling. She consented along with the....if you have a headache, ringing in your ear....I have heard all that before. I assured her my husband who is a firefighter would be all over this and monitoring me. And she let me go, she said she was now concerned it might be the meds as well. My father in law picked me up today and we decided to take a trip to the fire station and have hubby check it out. Yep everything was high. So I went home and took another happy pill to hopefully get the blood pressure down. It did work, a few hours later I was up there again. My blood pressure was normal although my heart rate was high still.
My nurse called me later on and said they had decided to adjust the steroid they are giving me before the chemo in hopes this will help. My doctors nurse also called to check on me and told me the same.
What an adventure. Life is never boring.
I am feeling pretty well. Just hydrating like crazy. It makes me feel good.
Now for some blessings of the day.... Save all the good stuff for last.
My mom and a good and beautiful friend came and cleaned my house today. She also did my laundry. And they planted some of my favorite plants in my planter out front. I love them. They were huge blessings to me today... But then they really are always blessings to me!
Another beautiful friend made me some freezer meals and a yummy cake! And then another beautiful and special couple to us brought me dinner. I was going to be the only one home so I said not to bother. But they bothered and I was blessed.
I was also able to have my mom bring a prayer shawl today for a woman who was going through chemo for the first time today. We got to talk and I was able to encourage her. That was cool
God is cool, even when things are going a little off from good there are always blessing. It is our choice what we chose to focus on.
Blessings
Everything went good in the beginning the happy pill we decided would be a good try seem to be doing its job. Blood pressure was a little up when I first got in the chair but had come down to normal after my 2 hours of hydrating. I asked my nurse to take my blood pressure just to see what it was before I began getting my meds and it was normal. Then two hours later it was very high with a very high heart rate again. Of course I now had four nurses around me. Apparently I am quite the oddity :). They said things like well you are getting a little blotchy....I said well you are all standing around looking at me. I don't think this is going to make it come down. They agreed :). So they said just sit down and relax. I said I don't think that is going to help so can I just take a walk. They agreed. As long as I didn't leave the building. I think they had the fleeting thought I might just bolt. Tempting..... So I walked around a bit but I knew my heart was racing and that this really wasn't going to work so I went back in to face the music. We sat somewhere else... Maybe a change of scenery.... It was still very high and so was my pulse. I assured my nurse it was not going to go down any time soon and I could see she was getting the same feeling. She consented along with the....if you have a headache, ringing in your ear....I have heard all that before. I assured her my husband who is a firefighter would be all over this and monitoring me. And she let me go, she said she was now concerned it might be the meds as well. My father in law picked me up today and we decided to take a trip to the fire station and have hubby check it out. Yep everything was high. So I went home and took another happy pill to hopefully get the blood pressure down. It did work, a few hours later I was up there again. My blood pressure was normal although my heart rate was high still.
My nurse called me later on and said they had decided to adjust the steroid they are giving me before the chemo in hopes this will help. My doctors nurse also called to check on me and told me the same.
What an adventure. Life is never boring.
I am feeling pretty well. Just hydrating like crazy. It makes me feel good.
Now for some blessings of the day.... Save all the good stuff for last.
My mom and a good and beautiful friend came and cleaned my house today. She also did my laundry. And they planted some of my favorite plants in my planter out front. I love them. They were huge blessings to me today... But then they really are always blessings to me!
Another beautiful friend made me some freezer meals and a yummy cake! And then another beautiful and special couple to us brought me dinner. I was going to be the only one home so I said not to bother. But they bothered and I was blessed.
I was also able to have my mom bring a prayer shawl today for a woman who was going through chemo for the first time today. We got to talk and I was able to encourage her. That was cool
God is cool, even when things are going a little off from good there are always blessing. It is our choice what we chose to focus on.
Blessings
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Rescued from our enemies
Psalm 18:1-6
I love you, O Lord, my strength.
2 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn[a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn[a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
4 The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
5 The cords of the grave[b] coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called to the Lord;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
5 The cords of the grave[b] coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called to the Lord;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
Psalm 18:16-19
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
Our enemies can have many different faces. Sometimes they have no face at all. But even without a face an enemy can be very powerful. This passage of scripture really touched me. God is our refuge, He is our salvation, He will rescue us.
I don't know what that looks like all the time. I don't know how God will rescue me from my enemies, from the things that grip my life, but I know He says He will over and over in His word. And my only requirement is to believe and trust that.
It says in verse 19 that the Lord delights in me. I know that is a hard one to grasp. How can a Holy Lord delight in a sinful me? Because He is an amazing God. He created me and He loves me, just like I love my children even when I don't like their actions, or motives...I still delight in them. Think how much more a Holy God can delight in us.
I am thankful God rescues me, and that he delights in me. That He created me to have a relationship with Him. I am thankful I don't have to rely on my own weakness to be rescued from my enemies.
Blessings
Friday, May 4, 2012
Blood Pressures
It is amazing how many doctors one person can have.... Well today I got to go to my primary doctor. I like her. She is very sweet and calming. My blood pressure was up to about what it is when I go to the doctor. A little high. I have heard people say it is white coat syndrome. I don't know. I know it is real because when I got home and my husband took my blood pressure it was pretty good. I wonder why it goes up when I am going to the doctor? I like my doctor. She is always very nice. She makes me feel comfortable, she never gives me shots :). Who knows. I am very puzzled by this. I told my husband I am going to start wearing that blood pressure cup all the time until this goes away. It would match the IV on my other arm...
I know this blood pressure thing is real. I just don't know why it happens. What am I so nervous about? It is just my blood pressure. They just take it and give me that look and write it down. But eventually they seem to just accept that is how I am and we just move on. I think next time someone takes it and I get that look I am just going to shrug and say " oh well!". I am tired of worrying about my blood pressure being high. It makes my blood pressure high!!!
I don't think I will be solving this issue anytime soon. My doctor is monitoring it. My husband is monitoring it. The people at the chemo room will most definitely be monitoring it. So I think I will just try to relax with it. And the next time someone takes my blood pressure and gives me that look...I am just going to smile real big and say as sweetly as I can... Oh well....
Blessings
I know this blood pressure thing is real. I just don't know why it happens. What am I so nervous about? It is just my blood pressure. They just take it and give me that look and write it down. But eventually they seem to just accept that is how I am and we just move on. I think next time someone takes it and I get that look I am just going to shrug and say " oh well!". I am tired of worrying about my blood pressure being high. It makes my blood pressure high!!!
I don't think I will be solving this issue anytime soon. My doctor is monitoring it. My husband is monitoring it. The people at the chemo room will most definitely be monitoring it. So I think I will just try to relax with it. And the next time someone takes my blood pressure and gives me that look...I am just going to smile real big and say as sweetly as I can... Oh well....
Blessings
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Anxiety
1 Peter 5:7
Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
I did NOT do this today. Today was a big FAIL. I did not walk the talk. I most definately was not casting any anxiety today. Apparently I just decided to hang on to it all myself. I now wonder why?
My blood pressure was a real issue today. I was anxious, not for any good reason. I know I need to just have it taken care of and I knew I had a doctor apt for Friday put today it got the best of me. I could not get settled. I was anxious.
Phillipians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
I think that is where I may have gone wrong today. I did not bring my situation by prayer or petition to God. I just dealt with it...not even very well. I don't know if my blood pressure would have come down today with prayer. I believe it could have. But even more than that I believe that I could have called on my Lord, I could have come to Him with my situation. I know He would have given me the peace I needed, or at least a good trustworthy friend to talk to.
Life isn't easy. Struggles are difficult. We will fail, or just not have it in us sometimes and that is ok. God gives us grace, not only in salvation but everyday life too.
Grace defined: favor or goodwill. Kindness, love. A manifestation of favor, forgiveness, charity, mercifulness, pardon.
I needed these things today. I just forgot that I had already been given them....
Blessings
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Picc line
Got my picc line today. It went well. I was anxious, I just couldn't get past it. My husband came with me and was able to sit with me right up until the procedure, that really helped! The nurse had to draw some blood and the vein in my hand that is normally a sure fire was not into giving any blood up either. It was a two stick kind of thing and then she really didn't even get to much blood but she said it would just have to do and she was very happy that she didn't have to do an iv on me. I found it humorous that I would need to have an iv put in since that was the whole problem to begin with, but I was as happy as she was relieved we wouldn't have to go through that!
The procedure went smooth. The prep time took over twice as long as the actual procedure. The doctor just came in and zip, zip it was done! Easy peasy! So much for my anxiety. Glad I spent a lot of energy on that...will I ever learn????
Now I have a IV line accessible for any thing that is needed. I can't say that is overly exciting to have an IV dangling from my arm, but it is only for a few weeks and my kids think it is cool. So hey! why not.
Tomorrow I go for my second chemo treatment. This one should be a go. The nurse said she felt I would most likely have the same results with this treatment as I did with the first. Nothing to new to look for. So here I am trying to hydrate again. It seems to be my main goal in life right now :)
Today I remembered a saying I have hanging on my wall at home.
I believe in the sun
Even if it doesn't shine,
I believe in love
Even if I don't feel it,
I believe in God
Even if he is silent.
I learned this was written on a wall in the concentration camps in Germany...
That is amazing faith.
I am just remembering that God is always with me. I might not feel Him near every moment of my journey, but that is when real faith comes in. That is when we must remember His promise to never leave us.
Be Strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
We must trust in that kind of God. Not the kind we only believe in when we feel Him near. The one we know is there, the one who
We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
That is the kind of God we can put our hope in, trust in, be confident in.
And on the days I am just hanging on to those promises. I am so thankful for that.
Blessings
The procedure went smooth. The prep time took over twice as long as the actual procedure. The doctor just came in and zip, zip it was done! Easy peasy! So much for my anxiety. Glad I spent a lot of energy on that...will I ever learn????
Now I have a IV line accessible for any thing that is needed. I can't say that is overly exciting to have an IV dangling from my arm, but it is only for a few weeks and my kids think it is cool. So hey! why not.
Tomorrow I go for my second chemo treatment. This one should be a go. The nurse said she felt I would most likely have the same results with this treatment as I did with the first. Nothing to new to look for. So here I am trying to hydrate again. It seems to be my main goal in life right now :)
Today I remembered a saying I have hanging on my wall at home.
I believe in the sun
Even if it doesn't shine,
I believe in love
Even if I don't feel it,
I believe in God
Even if he is silent.
I learned this was written on a wall in the concentration camps in Germany...
That is amazing faith.
I am just remembering that God is always with me. I might not feel Him near every moment of my journey, but that is when real faith comes in. That is when we must remember His promise to never leave us.
Be Strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
We must trust in that kind of God. Not the kind we only believe in when we feel Him near. The one we know is there, the one who
We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
That is the kind of God we can put our hope in, trust in, be confident in.
And on the days I am just hanging on to those promises. I am so thankful for that.
Blessings
Bumps in the road
There are always bumps in the road.
Today was a bump.
We went to the chemo room and there was just no getting an iv into a vein. They tried. Three of the nurses tried....four times. Oh well.
I don't like iv's, I suppose no one really does. I must have the strangest veins. I hydrated. But, it just wasn't going to happen today...even with the magical vein machine....
So tomorrow I go and get a picc line..no more vein troubles. I will then have chemo on Wednesday.
I prayed that God would go before me today. In fact I was up earlier than usual. I just felt I needed some time in Gods word today. He was preparing me. He reminded me that I had prayed that He go before me today. So I will trust that He did and that this was His plan.
A picc line will definately make things easier at the chemo room.
So we will trust in that and go forward.
Blessings
Today was a bump.
We went to the chemo room and there was just no getting an iv into a vein. They tried. Three of the nurses tried....four times. Oh well.
I don't like iv's, I suppose no one really does. I must have the strangest veins. I hydrated. But, it just wasn't going to happen today...even with the magical vein machine....
So tomorrow I go and get a picc line..no more vein troubles. I will then have chemo on Wednesday.
I prayed that God would go before me today. In fact I was up earlier than usual. I just felt I needed some time in Gods word today. He was preparing me. He reminded me that I had prayed that He go before me today. So I will trust that He did and that this was His plan.
A picc line will definately make things easier at the chemo room.
So we will trust in that and go forward.
Blessings
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